


when angels deserve to die

by hazthecoconut



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Death, Depressed Harry, Lies, M/M, Suicide, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 08:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10213997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazthecoconut/pseuds/hazthecoconut
Summary: i don't think you trust in my self righteous suicide.





	

**Author's Note:**

> im in a weird mood so i wrote this real quick  
> its not good, so yea  
> this is also inspired by a youtube video

Sometimes heaven isn't blue. Sometimes people aren't nice to you. Sometimes you don't feel like smiling. Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes you want to cry. Sometimes you don't feel loved. Sometimes there is something wrong. 

_Sometimes._

But what do you, when it's not sometimes? When it's a constant, long, muffled scream inside filled with angst, pain and sadness?

Yeah. Sometimes.

Harry feels that _every single day_  of his life.

 

_**Sometimes angels deserve to die.** _

 

 

* * *

 

It was another evening. They had gone through this.

Louis was sitting on the floor, leaning against the door with his back. He could hear how Harry was talking to himself under his breath on the other side of the door. The water was running, the tub mostly filled.

The blue eyed couldn't help, but cry quietly. This was a constant thing for them. Harry would always do this in the evening, because that's when it gets worse. And the sick thing?

Louis never knows when it's going to be _that evening_ , where he pulls through. He never knows, if he should call the police, because it's _that evening_. He never knows, if it's _that_ _evening_ , that will change his life forever.

 

His heart stopped beating. There was actual silence. Did he decide against it?

 

 

''I just wanted to do it fast and quietly.'', he could hear Harry's deep voice coming from the bathroom. Louis felt sick.

''But you always interrupt me. It's like you can sense it.''.

Louis knew Harry. Of course, he could sense it. Harry's been like this for three years now. No therapist could help him. No medication was able to cure his disease. And Louis felt helpless. He didn't know how to help Harry.

He missed the nights filled with laughter. He missed the days, where he would look at Harry and there were dimples combined with a smile instead of a emotionless look on his face.

Now, everything is grey. Sometimes Harry would wake up and cry for hours and hours and Louis would hold him, no matter how damn tired he was.

''Why am I like this, Louis? What is wrong with me?'', he could hear Harry sob. Louis was sobbing too now. Whenever Harry would cry, Louis would also cry. He felt like words were too heavy now to come out of his mouth.

''Don't do this, Harry, please. I need you.'', he choked out.''Please, Harry, don't do this to me.''.

Nothing was happening.

Louis felt like this really was the end.

He got on his knees and turned around, he started banging onto the bathroom door.

''I'M BEGGING YOU ON MY KNEES, OPEN THE DOOR!'', he yelled. He felt so weak, like he was about to lose himself.''PLEASE, I CAN'T-''.

The door opened, Harry was standing right in front of him. Louis immediately shut his mouth and got up to pull Harry out of the bathroom and just hold him.

Harry didn't even cry anymore. He felt like he had failed again and that it was his fault. He should've done this when Louis was asleep.

''I'm so sorry that life makes it so hard for you.'', Louis sobbed into Harry's shoulder.

Harry felt guilty, like always. 

* * *

 

On Thursday, Liam came over. He simply wanted to talk to his lad Louis. And of course look after Harry and check on how he is doing.

Harry was taking a shower, when Louis and Liam were sitting in the kitchen. Louis sighed loudly.

''Monday was awful, Liam. Believe me.'', he said. Brown eyes were looking at him.''We had gone through so much together... he just always brings me back down to earth. And I'm losing him.''.''It's so awful that no one helped him... we need to find _someone_.''.

Louis head snapped up and they looked into each other's eyes, as his voice cracked.

''I almost thought he was really going to do it.'', he whispered and tears filled his eyes. Liam wanted to respond, but Harry walked in suddenly.

He looked at them, his face emotionless. No smile for Liam or Louis. Not even a fake one.

''Hey, love.'', Louis sniffled.''How are you?'', he asked and looked at Harry. Harry swallowed thickly.''Good, yea...'', he mumbled and nodded to support his answer. 

Louis knew it was a lie.

* * *

 

Louis and Harry were lying in bed together that night.

Harry was different. He was giggling. And smiling. It was weird.

Was he suddenly getting a bit better?

''I love your smile, curly.'', Louis said and ruffled Harry's curls. Harry looked at him. _There was the sparkle. The sparkle._

Exactly the one that he had been missing these three years.

Louis felt like crying. But he only hugged Harry tightly.

''I love you.'', he whispered.

Harry smiled.''I love you too.''.

It was time.

''I'll just go to the bathroom real quick, yea?'', he got up and walked out of the room.

 

Louis was confused. Harry hasn't come back yet. Three damn minutes had passed.

And then suddenly, he widened his eyes.

''Fuck'', he got up as fast as he could and ran to the bathroom. He opened the door quickly.

Empty.

He furrowed his eyebrows, but then he heard his phone ringing. Louis turned around. 

What is going on?

 

He picked his phone up.

''Louis.'', he heard Harry's deep voice. Louis felt relieved, he was alive.''Harry, oh my god. I thought you- um, where are you?'', he smiled a little.

''I'm in the car, Louis. And I won't come back.''.

Louis' face fell. What?

''Har-''.''You were so warm and caring, that I almost believed that you would be able to save me from myself.'', Harry interrupted him.''But I knew that I was broken from the beginning. That something was wrong with me.''. Louis could feel the tears in his eyes.

Fuck.

''I'm so tired of lying to you...'', Harry whispered into the phone.''I don't belong here.''. The sound of the motor was getting louder. Louis widened his eyes.

''Hey!'', he yelled into his phone, but the noise only got louder.''HARRY!''.

''I'm so fucking sorry.''.

The phone call ended.

Louis stared at his phone and tried to call him again.

 

 _I'm so fucking sorry_., Harry's words were repeating themselves in Louis' mind. Over and over again.

He dialed Harry's number. This can't be happening.

 

 

_The person you're trying to reach is not available right now._

 

 

 

 

He dialed another number, he felt numb. 

 

''911.''.

 

 

 

''An angel just died.''

**Author's Note:**

> hope you somehow liked it even though it was so short


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